To be...or not to be WHAT?

"So here's us, on the raggedy edge." (Malcolm Reynolds, 'Serenity')



Have you ever struggled to find a direction for your life? I know I have!

I'm in a unique situation for someone of my age (no, not because I'm struggling to find a direction for my life...read on!). Whilst in my first year of A-levels, I contracted inflammatory arthritis. By the time a diagnosis was made and the drugs prescribed, it was quite a few months later and things had become a lot worse. But I wasn't going to just pull out of school - no way! "I've already come this far, " I thought, "I might as well get it over and done with and then I can forget about it". Not surprisingly, by the time the A-levels were finished, I'd had enough of the education system. At first, I deferred my entry into university, but now I've withdrawn - can't decide what I really want to do anyway (it's a lot of money not to be sure about), and the thought of going back into education is NOT tempting...

So, here I am. Not 100% fit and healthy, living under the same roof as my parents (which is great by the way!), with a (barely) part time job in which I have zero opportunity to realize my potential. But things aren't wholly bad, I might add. This unique situation that I'm in allows me to:

- Own a top-notch car which I can zip around in, and receive financial support in its maintenance;
- Spend a large proportion of my time doing voluntary work with my church which I love to bits;
- Fill the diary with things that I actually want to do, like meeting up with friends, having spanish lessons.

So why the long face?

I'm really struggling to discern God's will for my life. I feel almost guilty just ambling along, staying in my "comfort zone" and reassuring myself that I'm not well enough to break away, get out there and really challenge myself!

I guess I just have to open my heart up to God, ask him the same questions I'm currently asking myself and ask for the support and prayers of my closest friends and family, whilst investigating my options.

"Google, here I come!"